As some of you may have noticed, I didn’t post a new blog post last week. I also haven’t posted on Instagram since last Sunday, which is very unlike me. As someone who understands the importance of consistency, I really struggled last week with making the decision not to post.
I had been posting once a week for 7 weeks, which to anyone else may not seem like much, but for me it was. Posting was a part of my routine I was looking forward to, thinking about, and planning every detail. But something hit me like a ton of bricks a week and a half ago, and I want to talk about it.
Now, we could blame this on how busy I’ve been at work lately, or we could blame it on my massive diet change (more on this coming in the next few weeks). We could blame it on the sun rising later, and setting earlier. We could blame it on the stress of choosing the interiors for the house. We could blame it on that time of the month, or just a bad mood. But I’m not going to blame it on any of those things.
What I’m going to do instead, is talk about it. Last week, I hit a wall. I felt run down, depressed, exhausted, and lonely. I faced some problems in my upcoming project I have been working so hard on preparing to announce to you all (not related the house), and I started to sink. And I had been working before and after work on this project, researching and experimenting. Constantly thinking about it. And I started drowning.
I’m the type of person that gets insane tunnel vision when I get started on something that fuels a fire in my soul. Lock me in a dark room with my computer, snacks and a few drinks and I will stay put for hours on end without realizing it. I even bought a new iPad and spent seven straight hours on it, working on paving this new path. Although some may see this as a positive (determined, motivated, goal driven), I see it as a huge flaw. And it presented itself as one.
I had drained myself. Put all of my energy into this one thing, and I wasn’t taking time for myself, or my surrounding relationships. I wasn’t watching the sunrise anymore. Wasn’t sitting alone in the quiet with just my thoughts. I wasn’t making time for people I cared about. Wasn’t eating as much as I should, and I wasn’t sleeping as well as I usually do. As a result, I felt depressed, unmotivated, and incredibly lonely.
As someone who has felt these feelings in the past, (at a much stronger intensity too), I can easily recognize when things are going south. So I did what I knew best.
I slowed down.
Life goes by quickly as it is, and when I get tunnel vision, it goes at an incredibly fast pace. And with everything that I’m trying to juggle, I had gotten myself on the highest speed treadmill with legs that couldn’t keep up.
As someone that preaches about gratitude and living in the moment, I had lost all sight of that. I was dwelling on things that weren’t a big deal, living in the future, trying to rush past the things I didn’t want to do just to get to my end goal. I had slipped up on what my values and intentions are, and I started feeling like the worst version of myself.
And you know what? That’s okay.
Slowing down – It’s okay to not be okay.
We are human beings, and we’re far from perfect. Life isn’t a perfect incline. There are ups and downs and in-betweens. There are times that you feel your best, and times you feel your worst. And we shouldn’t feel ashamed when we’re feeling our worst.
So last Sunday when I was stressing out about not having a post prepared, I fought with myself to not put something together last minute just to get something out there. I evaluated my situation and how I was feeling, and I shut my computer down. I sat outside and watched the sunrise, and took some time for me. Away from technology, my stress, my busy mind. I spent that day with a good friend, relaxing on the beach. And it was so refreshing.
I spent this past week more mindfully. I slept in when I could, and though I did still work on paving that new path, I wasn’t working myself until I was exhausted or isolating myself.
Life is going to happen whether you want it to or not. The world isn’t going to stop spinning just because you’re not ready. It’s okay to relax and give yourself time to recharge.
Sometimes, you need to deter far enough away from yourself in order to see the bigger picture. You need to take the time to recharge to allow yourself to come back more motivated and determined than ever, with a clear mind.
Having goals and being motivated is an incredible thing, but so is living. So is taking the time to take in those around you, and make the most of the time you’ve been given. I just needed a little reminder of this.
I encourage you all to try to recognize when you’re getting in too deep, and know that it’s okay to slow down. Don’t feel ashamed if you’re not feeling like yourself. Take the time to do what’s best for you, and life will be there waiting for you when you get back from your mental vacation.
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